Unsure

Not sure what direction I want my life to go in.

Now that the holidays are over and I'm getting more hours at work, things seem normal.  I've got a great group of friends and seem busy almost every night. 

This might break hearts, but I'm unsure now if I'm ready to go back to PC in June. :(

I love you my family.  I feel torn....

Lush...

It's almost 3am and all I can think about right now is a dirty martini, extra dirty with olives. Maybe some spicy pickled green beans.

Yummy.....

My followers....

I kinda feel bad that I'm not writing as much as I used to.  For a while there I had something to say everyday.  And now, not so much.

I wish I was having wild and crazy adventures.  Instead I'm working, sleeping and partying with friends.  Which in themselves could be mini adventures I suppose.  I recently had a small falling out with a friend and so that's been weighing on my mind.  I'm getting lonely.  Thinking about starting to answer craigslist ads for a girlfriend, lol.  At least it's free.  Unlike Match.com and those other sites. 

I still stay up late at night and sleep in late during the day.  Unless, of course, if I have to work or have something I need to do.  I'm fed up with the rain here and can't wait to see the sun.  I'm thinking next month while I'm in Vegas I'll see it.  My toes have developed some new calamity, whether from being crammed into shoes all day every day or from the fact that I work on my feet now.  I'm not sure if it's a fungus or just bruising.  The walk in clinic doc thinks it's just bruising from my shoes and I haven't talked myself into spending $300 to go and see a podiatrist.  I miss my flip-flops. :(

Sasha's been a good sport about everything.  Not sure what I would do if I didn't have her here.  It always seems like taking care of something/someone else helps keep your mind off things. 

So anywho, I'm getting more hours at work, sleeping in all the time and just counting down the days 'til Vegas.  I hope everyone out there is well. :)

Ha Ha Ha

So I'm still up because I slept in til about 1pm today and I don't feel like closing my eyes.  I figured I would look back over parts of my blog and I came to realize that I contradict myself a few times. 

I didn't get an Oregon DL or tags.  I just couldn't do it.  Have you ever made a decision in your head that your body really really doesn't like?  Your pulse races, you get irritable....something just doesn't seem right?  I don't know if that's what they consider a 6th sense or not but I get it from time to time whether it's making those types of decisions or if I'm looking at furniture on craigslist.  To be honest, I had that feeling the day I decided to ride my motorcycle to my parent's house and looked how that turned out.  I didn't listen to my intuition. 

So anyway....before I got on that tangent.... I had written in December that I was going to take life only a few days at a time.  But somewhere along the lines, that changed.  I mean really, we have to plan stuff.  At least some stuff.  And I don't want to live in Eugene forever working at Macy's.  Some days I feel torn because I want to be here.  But want to be in Florida too.  And I know that once I get back to Panama City I'm going to ache to be back up here.  In a perfect world, I would live up here May - October and in Panama City Nov - April, lol.  I just have to figure out how to make that work.  Hmmmmm.....

The truth is, my wants and feelings change often.  So the plan changes.  I still want to go back home.  I would like to go back to school and I'm sure the U of O isn't cheap.  Plus I miss the beach.  And friends and family.  Ugh!!  Why did I have to fall in love with this place?!?!

No matter what I do, I'm going to miss people and places.  :(

Snow!!

Cloning

If only I could be in two places at once....

Life is a Teacher

I have the best family anyone could ever ask for.  My parents kept me in line when I was a child.  They parented.  Which may sound like common sense to most people, but today all you have to do is look around to see how many parents 'friend' their kids instead.  They didn't become my friends until I grew up and moved out.  And maybe that's why the respect and love I have for them was the reason I never wanted to leave.  Could have been because I was scared.  Afraid of the unknown.  But over the last few days, I've come to realize something important....at least to me.

I only have one family.  And I love my family.  And even though they live in a town with not much to offer, they are there.  Jobs, friends, experiences.  Those come and go.  But I'll only ever have one family.

I've decided that I'm moving back to Panama City in June.  My roommates here are planning a Memorial Day trip to Shasta Lake and I'm pretty sure that will be my last hurrah here on the west coast.  I'm going to be an aunt in July.  I didn't quite know what to think at first, but I've decided I want to be there. 

I've also decided to go back to school.  I'm thinking Elem. Education even though I get the feeling that a few people don't think that I'm willing to put in the work or that I don't realize how hard teaching might be.  But since I feel like I should have gone for a teaching degree in the first place instead of a Communication degree, I'm willing to put forth the effort.  Besides, I'm an almost 32 year old country wide traveler.  Not an 18 year-old, fresh out of high school.

I'm sure everyone will have an opinion on my decision to go back.  But you know what they say about opinions.....I just want to be happy and I know that being there with/for my sister as she goes through that life changing event and being able to spend time with my parents is what's important to me now. 

I'm going to leave you tonight with a poster that I have hanging on my wall right now.  I'm confident that everything will work out. :)